Seat Adjustment Primer

Seat belt adjustment: We shall be flying at an altitude of 30,000 feet. Please refrain from smoking and fasten youe seat belts.

PTI: salaams

JI: waalaikum uss salaam wa rehtmatullah ...

PTI: This is what we have come to discuss...

JI: Islamic greetings?

PTI: Ji nahin. Rehmatullah from the Outer Mingora.

JI: Oh that Rehmatullah, he has no chance.

PTI: That is what we feel too.

JI: How much?

PTI: Am shocked. You are a principled man. How can you ask for money.

JI: You are new, aren't you, in this game?

PTI: Well yes 15 years...

JI:...I asked you how much is your interest in seat adjustments worth and what can you do for us in return.

PTI: Oh, sorry. Can I be blunt?

JI: Just be yourself. We can make out own mind

PTI: Our election committee has pin pointed about 40 constituencies where JI candidate will divide our votes....and even your people tell you you cannot win more than 2 seats.

JI: 40? that will cost you aplenty.

PTI: What would you like (inaudible sigh)

JI: Written agreement not to repeal blasphemy laws.

PTI: done.

JI: Ahmadi's shall remain non Muslims

PTI: done

JI: Add Shias to the list.

PTI: Not for 40 seats maulana sahib

JI: Revoke Altaf Hussain's citizenship

PTI: done

JI: Good. Will consult my Shura and move that our candidates support yours.

NS: assalamoalikum.

ASWJ: walaikum.

NS: Aaiayay, hum mil ker la-deeni quwwatouN ka samna karaiN.

ASWJ: Mashallah woh tou hum akelay hee kaafi haiN.

NS: Yes, we cannot match your destructive traits.

ASWJ: What did you say?

NS: Oh, I said am an admirer of your my-way-or-the-highway stance.

ASWJ: Achcha achcha, lijiaye jaelbi khaiyay.

NS: Dekhiaye agar hum aik doosray ka ...

ASWJ: 300 Crore per seat

NS: (balancing the tea cup) This is unaffordable. Can only give 50 now and 250 after we come to power.

ASWJ: We have to pay in cash, up front to the suicide volunteers.Do you understand

NS: (SS whispers in his ears) Ji, ji....250?

ASWJ: agreed.

After NS leaves, ASWJ says, "Bazaari aadmi hay. Hum tou 100 per bhee maan jatay. Buzdil"

(more adjustments to follow)