↑ Grab this Headline Animator

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Seat Adjustment Primer

Seat belt adjustment: We shall be flying at an altitude of 30,000 feet. Please refrain from smoking and fasten youe seat belts.
PTI: salaams
JI: waalaikum uss salaam wa rehtmatullah ...
PTI: This is what we have come to discuss...
JI: Islamic greetings?
PTI: Ji nahin. Rehmatullah from the Outer Mingora.
JI: Oh that Rehmatullah, he has no chance.
PTI: That is what we feel too.
JI: How much?
PTI: Am shocked. You are a principled man. How can you ask for money.
JI: You are new, aren't you, in this game?
PTI: Well yes 15 years...
JI:...I asked you how much is your interest in seat adjustments worth and what can you do for us in return.
PTI: Oh, sorry. Can I be blunt?
JI: Just be yourself. We can make out own mind
PTI: Our election committee has pin pointed about 40 constituencies where JI candidate will divide our votes....and even your people tell you you cannot win more than 2 seats.
JI: 40? that will cost you aplenty.
PTI: What would you like (inaudible sigh)
JI: Written agreement not to repeal blasphemy laws.
PTI: done.
JI: Ahmadi's shall remain non Muslims
PTI: done
JI: Add Shias to the list.
PTI: Not for 40 seats maulana sahib
JI: Revoke Altaf Hussain's citizenship
PTI: done
JI: Good. Will consult my Shura and move that our candidates support yours.

NS: assalamoalikum.
ASWJ: walaikum.
NS: Aaiayay, hum mil ker la-deeni quwwatouN ka samna karaiN.
ASWJ: Mashallah woh tou hum akelay hee kaafi haiN.
NS: Yes, we cannot match your destructive traits.
ASWJ: What did you say?
NS: Oh, I said am an admirer of your my-way-or-the-highway stance.
ASWJ: Achcha achcha, lijiaye jaelbi khaiyay.
NS: Dekhiaye agar hum aik doosray ka ...
ASWJ: 300 Crore per seat
NS: (balancing the tea cup) This is unaffordable. Can only give 50 now and 250 after we come to power.
ASWJ: We have to pay in cash, up front to the suicide volunteers.Do you understand
NS: (SS whispers in his ears) Ji, ji....250?
ASWJ: agreed.

After NS leaves, ASWJ says, "Bazaari aadmi hay. Hum tou 100 per bhee maan jatay. Buzdil"

(more adjustments to follow)


Post a Comment

<< Home