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Saturday, August 20, 2005

On Life and Death


Edge of precipice. Cliff?
Diving board. Looking down into water.

Of hope.
What hope? Mirage. Shimmer. Illusion. Belief in unseen. Acceptance.
Acceptance? With conviction.
Conviction of what? Faith or reasoning?

Of reason.
Rationality. Two plus... Cause and... Things not...
Self-existential illusions. Illusions or hoaxes? Certifiable?

Of faith.
Belief of unfathomed power. Recognizant of the unrecognised. Unresolved nothingness. Ensconced nothingness. Transference.

Back to hope, reason, faith. Nothing.
What if nothing is the vacuum cementing life to death.

Oh death? The final dot. -30- Kaput. Kapitsh. End.

End, another beginning. Movement towards another dot. To other unresolved queries. To other needs and desires. To know or to give in. Again.

Conversation with Self

Go for it yaar temporal. You bloody self effacing, self effusive, self evasive temporal. Go jump in one h two o. You wanted to experience death. Go ahead. What is stopping you?

Nothing is stopping me. Even if I am reluctant to meet, face I will --- sooner or later. I will die like I have died before. You, me, him, her, believer, unbeliever, undecided all will hear that music. Six under or six over. So why not embrace it?

Embrace it? Death wish? Resignation? Wait. I am not in doubt. You are. I do not care if a truck wheel stops over my head and splashes my brain all over the tarmac. You do. You wonder how you should greet Death. What will it be like. Will there be a vision when you are flat lined. How soon the blood in the vein will coagulate. Soul. If there is one -- how will it escape. Will you feel it.

Stop there. Do not overwhelm me with your brilliance. It is I who query. Who has unresolved queries raging within. You, you are just the shadow. With me every living moment. Deserting me when I die. I can and I will question that phase. You cannot. I will, if I chose to, deny. Deny life or deny death. That is my sole prerogative.

From a Letter

A young one died without breathing in the pollution. Life sustaining umbilical cord, wrapped around the neck in the womb, took the life away. Happens in one in ........the doctors tried to pacify grief. Today, she would have been your age my friend. Yes the medicine men played their voodoo. Hi-tech toys, egos, tests. But the fury of nothing to nothing defeated them. And we collapsed a thousand times. Then. And again and again later.


We futilely asked hope, reason and faith.

We asked the passers-by too. In vain.

Hope, reason and faith heal. And soothe. Singularly and collectively. But they did not. But they must have. For we survived.

Uncharacteristically, pushed to corner, we rebelled. We fought our shadows. We threw obscenities at darkness. Finally. exhaustion set in, draining us of all energy. Exhaustion brought in peace. Peace by default. Peace to re-group. Peace to fight another time.

These voices from yonder tell us we do not know. What do they mean? Why were we questioning. Why were we made to question? Who did it? Life or Death? And why?

So we move to small r reason. Aim. Purpose. Purpose for life. Life that surrenders to death. Purpose for death? Transformation. Another life form.

This nano second of existence shall come to pass. I will be no more. You will be no more, my friend. And you will be no more, my perceived enemy. The worlds will remain. The words will remain. To do what?

Queries are eternal. Is God a query? Queries are the eternal pulses that drive the universal computer.

I will accept death. Any death: timely or.... peaceful or......

I have no choice. You have no choice. Six over or six under.

Yet we query. So we have a choice. What is it?

The answer is there, somewhere; for a payment. Can we pay for it? Importantly, is it worth the time and the effort?

Or in the final analysis will it be dust to.......and ashes to.........?

End of the tale. And another beginning.


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