Wine Flu

This conversation was picked up by the ever present drones in the sky and monitored in Langley Va. Baithak, received the transcripts anonymously in the mail from Agent Fletcher. This recorded conversation was between two leaders of the Afghan Islami Group (AIG) in Central Dufferistan in the Parrot's Peak area of Afghanistan.

Mulla Moolah: Salaam brader.
Mullah Tota: Walaikum.
MM: May Allah bless you with health. How are the boys in your area?
MT: They are ready to go down brader.
MM: Why are you sneezing? And why is your nose is reddish?
MT: My nose? Nothing. It is just a cold.
MM: Cold? May god protect you from the wine flu.
MT: Wine? That would be in Jannah for me.
MM: Don't you listen to BBC Pushto?
MT: I ran out of batteries, what did it say?
MM: The pigs are afflicted with wine flu.
MT: Pigs? Firangis? Wine? Flu? You mean the Firangis have flu? So what?
MM: (grunt) It is a type of flu you get from wine. Heard it on BBC Pushto. The reception was scratchy.
MT: Ah wine. May Allah protect us from worldly sins.
MM: Brader, do you know how they put flu in wine?
MT: Those western pigs, they have no morality.Nothing would surprise me.
MM: (with another grunt) Allah knows everything.
MT: Brader, are you suggesting we have something to do with this wine flu?
MM: (inaudible) ... Sodom and Gomorrah.
MT: We should rid the world of ....(sneezes)
MM: When you go to the base have yourself checked by brader Hakim.
MT: Tell me more about this wine flu. Is it lethal?
MM: Not for the pigs.
MT: Wine flu. I do not know much about wine. Ask me about afim.
MM: Wine and drugs will be the downfall of United States of Sodom and Gomorrah.
MT: You are brilliant brader, mixing haraam with haraam for the infidel pigs.
MM: Our involvement is minimal and returns a thousand fold.
MT: May Allah be pleased with our efforts.
MM: Wonders do not cease in His Kingdom.
MT: Brader what are you suggesting?
MM: Wine is made from grapes
MT: Yes?
MM: Grapes are halaal wine is not.
MT: Allah knows best.
MM: We feed grapes to the pigs.
MT: So that is how it spreads?
MM: The grapes would ferment in their bellies.
MT: A double whammy? Both are haraam!
MM: You see the brilliance?
MT: Double whammy it is...drink and indulge in debauchery.
MM: Yes and then take off their clothes in freezing weather.
MT: Naoozobillah!
MM: And then makes all those porno movies.
MT: Porno movies? What are they?
MM: You don't want to know. They make it out with animals.
MT: Goats?
MM: No, they do not know that pleasure. Dogs, pigs!
MT: May the curse of Allah fall on them. And I hope they leave the goats alone.
MM: May they drown in their drinks.
MT: Amen brader.

(co wrote with YA)