converfession- buying that

the following is from the era when i was in a learning phase (correction: still am!) where i had to share my bed ... on a regular basis ... with M...

(in the pharmacy)

t: i wonder where you carry that?
(the pharmacist looks at me quizzically, first through his glasses, then measures me again looking over the lens, and i think he shook his head slightly)
p: what kind?
t: emmm...er.....emmm
p: latex, lambskin or polyurethane?
t: (damn - how'd i know?)...can you please guide me to the shelf?
p: (i think he had a sly smile) it is behind the counter, so what'll it be?
t: (what was that brand name she mentioned?) errr...emmm...can you please show me one of each?
p: ok. what size?
t: size?
p: yes they come in different sizes, colors, textures.
t: is there a normal size?
p: yes. what flavour will that be?
t: flavour? (that damn prince charles' confession was about THIS?)
p: cherry, blackberry, rose petal....
t: (this is verging on the insane. she should have accompanied me) is there a plain, non-flavour one?
p: yes. do you want one coated with Nonoxynol-9 or an uncoated one?
t: (damn i should have gone to college) coated please.
p: straight, fitted, or flared?
t: (wtd is he talking about- this is worse than defending a thesis) straight.
p: normal or rear intrusive?
t: are we asking about er...that?
p: yes we are talking about condoms.
t: (sigh of relief) no sir, i want them...er...emmmm...paddings?
p: ah, sanitary napkins! that will be aisle 4


(what happened at aisle 4 is for another time)