on writing and submissions - kan and salman

...infertility? well...she could have blocked fallopian tubes, he could have low count on them sperms…and then there is the test tube option, if you want to be ingenius (or devious) the milkman...kan she needn’t die...you have lots of possibilities with the story...

Kan:

...ok...let us start with a baby steps…

first this story and then a comment or two about other issues/queries you raised

how about first writing a simple straight forward story based on your notes for his story or this draft?...don’t worry about the length yet...just narrate it in chronological order...think of a dark night...around a lit camp-fire...friends huddled together...do a straight narration that would hold their attention and they would not leave or drift off to sleep....do not curb your inner self...let everything flow unimpeded...editing and self censoring will come later...

...once this draft is ready and up to your satisfaction...now you can play around with it...you can change the narrator, in first or third person, the tense, the order (flashback)...and last the length…and then final editing, checking for errors of fact or language, and then break it into smaller paragraphs...

now the quereies/comments

writing for whom?...this is tricky and inconclusive...most of what i write is for myself...hehh...for my hard drive only!...but then some of it makes it to the public domain...at this stage just aim for yourself as the ultimate reader...write for yourself...you may want to mould and edit it later for the target audience

target...obvious!...wherever you decide to submit the short story...do your homework for the magazine or site you submit your story for...the readership is different for the newtorker, playboy, and chowk...their median income, age, taste varies...let us take chowk as an example...english speaking desis who would be in the top 5-10 percent of their respective countries...of mixed heritage and values...and reading sensibilities...

...and within chowk’s readership the core readers for stories and poems is far less than ulcer generating topics...and within that small crowd you will have to judge their gender and age...

turns and twists remember the folks sitting around the fire-camp?...you have got to hold their interest...it is getting late, and it is getting chilly, and they want to call it a night...but cannot...your story is mesemrising them...

length gear it after the target site...on a monitor 1000 – 1200 words should be max...any more and you rapidly lose your readers...

language again ...write what comes naturally to you...worry about thesaurus later...also you will have to tailor it for the audience...can be done later

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in this story...go for straight narration with a surprise ending in the end...not the beginning... hint: leave the tricks of the trade after you have mastered the art...just like the show skaters doing three and a half reverse twist...they make it seem so easy and flawless...but we forget the hundreds of hours of practice that gives of that illusion of ease...

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Kan:

...if you don’t like my comments file them under G

first, these are not the opinion of a critic just a passionate reader...

when you write you write for yourself...but when you submit your writing for publication the emphasis changes subtly...you then write for the reader...

...who is your reader?…the target audience?...

will give you some feedback on this and i will appreciate if you can read salman’s story above this thread and read my comments there also...if for nothing then to get an idea where I come from?

...with 1700 words this story is a bit on the lengthier side for the monitors
...it is well written....and there are good descriptive passages
...you have boldly gambled with opening the story with the ending
...the success or failure of this story now depends on sustaining the interest of the reader and carrying him/her with you till the real end…this is where I feel you came up short
...early on the suspense has disappeared and the reader knows instinctively...ah....this is akin to insulting the reader in a sense...

...infertility...

...it can be a do or die situation for certain couples in a certain situation in a certain era...not very plausible with this upwardly mobile, educated young couple... she has options available...

perhaps if you explore and add some twists and angles?


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Salman:

4200 words
well written
did is move me as a reader? No

why?

Ayeshah is the main protagonist...you build her character up...but the development is marred by too many ancilliary characters...i can see the need to develop ayeshah through the other characters...but they also detract...might help if the characters and story length is curtailed...and some twists introduced

by naming her as the rag doll you are doing o’henry in reverse...as a reader i feel let down...so she is a rag doll and you attempted to show how an open female person in that society is extremely liable to be misinterpreted...and you took your sweet time to deliver that message...as the saying goes succinctly hansi tO phansi with a certain derogatory context...so we read through the words to discover that she is a rag doll...

i felt let down...also am averse to first person narration...very few writers can successfully pull it off...it is at once the easiest as well as the most difficult vein to maintain throughout the narration

these are my personal opinions and you know other than a passaion for words am least qualified as a critic so you should take them with a grain of salt....