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Saturday, August 11, 2007

SWOT: Love and the Single Woman Over Thirty

swot .
–verb (used without object) 1. to study or work hard.
–noun 2. a student who studies assiduously, esp. to the exclusion of other activities or interests; grind.
3. hard study or hard work; concentrated effort.

SWOT is also an acronym – Single Woman Over Thirty. I came across this in a fortnightly regular column by Sahar Ali.

In her latest column she writes:

At my ripe old SWOT age, am I clinging to a Utopian notion of marrying for love rather than companionship and security? Have all the romantic comedies I love to watch created ‘great expectations’ that are unlikely to be fulfilled? Will I remain Rapunzel-like in my tower, slumbering like Sleeping Beauty, or choked on a cursed and poisoned apple like Snow White waiting for a prince who will never arrive? In this age of supersonic jets and instant messaging, there really is no excuse for tardiness!

Marrying for love perhaps is an ideal that has long since shed its utility. True love is Dodo. Perhaps. I am overstating the obvious? The Ideal Love belongs to the same corner in the museum as the Ideal Man and the Ideal Woman.

So what is that bird called Love that we mistake for a Dodo?

Are we influencing our dreams based on classics, films or harlequin romances? Or are we conditioned by hearsay? Could it be infatuation camouflaged as love? Or is it infatuation that matures into an adjusted relationship? Does adjusted mean compromised? If yes, then how does that state fare in comparison with the mythical perception of Love in most minds?

Love is over stated and under fathomed. Even if begun under dubious circumstances – infatuation, liking, chemistry, a dimple or a charming smile it often flounders when it confronts unadjusted stereotypical expectations.

Legends and myths aside, Love is a continuous alignment of coexistence with another person whom one understands, respects and cares for.

Love is daily reinforcement of the reservoir of mutual trust. Love is forgiving and forgetting. Love is caring. Love is not taking for granted. Love appears impossible, but is not!

A dear friend who is thirty something, single and looking for a partner to share her life with asked, “Will I ever find a person I would love and marry?”

Over the past years she has shared her travails and misadventures in her search for a suitable desi male. She is an articulate, intelligent, good looking, considerate, working and highly educated woman.

I cautioned her against Love. Told her to forget about Love, and focus on compatibility, work ethics, and similarity of interests. Love might follow.

On the dilemmas of finding desi male who will treat his potential life partner with respect and understanding, perhaps after I collect the funny and the macabre experiences of my friends. If the readers would like to share them please email me. My address is


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